


The Papyrus Diaries

by invalidinthewilds



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Brothers, Diary/Journal, Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Multiple Timelines, Nightmares, Undertale Spoilers, but then they come back in the reset, drunken antics, implied soriel (in one timeline), implied/referenced eating disorder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-27
Updated: 2016-06-01
Packaged: 2018-07-10 09:48:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6978400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/invalidinthewilds/pseuds/invalidinthewilds
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>No matter what timeline he's in, Papyrus faithfully records all in his trusty diary.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Diary One

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ubik](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ubik/gifts).



> Today is ubik's birthday so this is for him. Have a good one!
> 
>  **Formatting Note:** Each chapter denotes a reset and therefore a new timeline.

**25/03:** Wowie! Undyne told me today that if I keep up my work as a sentry AND keep learning how to make spaghetti, one day I might actually make something of myself. THIS IS THE GREATEST NEWS OF MY ENTIRE LIFE!!!

Even Sans is happy about this though there’s something strange about him today. He keeps looking towards the forest and not making jokes about skeletons, even when I set them up for him.

“papyrus,” he announced halfway through our shift today, “something’s different.”

“WELL, YEAH,” I obviously replied. “UNDYNE FINALLY HAS FAITH IN ME!”

He didn’t say anything else but he still kept staring at the forest. Maybe he’s trying to slack off more by pretending he can sense the future or something.

I wouldn’t put it past him.

 

**26/03:** SOMETHING INCREDIBLE HAS JUST HAPPENED!!! I HAVE JUST MET A HUMAN!!!!

So Sans and I were just on our normal patrol when Sans suddenly gets this smirk on his face like he usually does when he’s about to do something he thinks is spectacular but really isn’t. Then, behold, a human appeared in front of me!

(So, sorry, Sans. Your cool surprise is going to have to wait.)

I’ve never seen a human before so I don’t know if this one is normal. I don’t think so. Do humans really walk around with a stick and a bandage? Who needs bandages anyways when you have magic???

Plus they’re so tiny. This human thing has to tilt their head up to look at either Sans or me. Sans says this is because they’re a child human. I hope so, life must be so annoying if you’re short.

(No offense, Sans.)

The human is pretty good though. They try all my puzzles and even eat my spaghetti! Wowie! They laugh at all of Sans’s bad puns too. But I think they’re just doing that to be nice.

I like this human, and I’m glad I met them.

It’s just too bad I have to capture them and bring them to Undyne…

 

**26/03 (later):** So, uh, about that whole capturing thing? Yeah, I couldn’t do it.

I mean, maybe if they were a horrible person then yeah, maybe. But this human child? The one who loves spaghetti and flirts with me? I…I can’t.

Instead I evaded their cuteness and tried to capture them but even then I must admit that the fortifications I kept the human in were weak at best. Maybe even then I knew I wasn’t going to bring them to Undyne.

So we went back to my place and dated. Yes, I know, the human is of a different species than me and only a child. Rest assured I was only feeding their fanciful whims and as soon as I could tell them that they and I were not going to work out, I did just that. I let them have some spaghetti as a consolation prize though. I think that helped.

I hope Undyne isn’t too angry. I asked Sans if I was weak for letting the human go free. He said that I was the strongest monster he knew.

You know, for all the times I rag on Sans, he really isn’t all that bad.

He’s gone right now. Says he has to go work his “second job”.

Huh. This is the first I’ve heard of it.

 

**26/03 (even later):** Wowie! I have so many interesting things going on in my life that I have to write three entries just for one day! This is good because most of my past entries were scrawls of San’s bad jokes and how they hurt me, plus minute details about how I was going to capture the next human I saw and become super rich and famous. I am so glad I have moved past these juvenile fantasies.

Undyne and I had our daily meeting. She didn’t say much, just stared at me. And yeah, maybe her intense glare made me tell her a few things about the human. What, okay? She’s really obsessed with finding humans. It feels rude to lie to her.

Besides, I warned the human so everything’s good right?!?!

I’m sure that once Undyne gets to know the human, she won’t hurt them. She’ll see the good in them just like I did. So it will all work out just fine!

Some people in Snowdin say that this human is a bad person, that monsters in the Snowdin Canine Unit are dead because of them. I don’t believe that. The human who tried to laugh at San’s puns, killing monsters? No.

Maybe. They’re a child, they don’t understand the world like we do.

They’re innocent, I know it.

I still haven’t seen Sans.

 

**27/03:** Sans finally came back and woke me up early this morning. He said he couldn’t stay long but wanted to tell me everything that has happened.

He said the human was safe and that they were in Hotland right now. Wowie!

Then Sans got quiet. He said that Undyne had to go away on a trip for a little while and that she’d be back soon.

I think Sans is sad about this even though he and Undyne aren’t particularly close. I tried calling her to see if I could get her to say something that would cheer Sans up but she didn’t answer. I guess she’s really enjoying this break of hers.

Sans is gone again. He didn’t give a reason this time.

I decided that Undyne’s gonna be super proud of me when she comes back. I’m gonna do her job, San’s job, and my own today to see if any other humans come through Snowdin! But, instead of arresting them and, uh, doing whatever Udyne needs from them, I decided I’m just gonna be friends with them and make them spaghetti and give them lots of puzzles!

So far, no more humans have come down here.

Royal Guard work is more boring than I thought it would be.

 

**27/03 (later):** I swear for a moment there I saw a flash of light and then maybe heard a flower cackling? I don’t know, it all happened so fast.

I hope Sans didn’t blow up the CORE.

 

**28/03:** Sans and I are moving to the capital! Sooo much has happened so let me explain.

Sans came home last night and said that we were moving to the capital (but you knew this already). He said that since so many important people have decided to go away on vacations (Undyne, Mettaton, Asgore), I’d been picked to be the new king! WOWIE!!!

So Sans and I have moved into the castle. I asked him if the human was going to come and say hi and good to see you and pleaseohgodbeabetterrulerthanasgore to me like all the monsters were doing from all over. Sans said that they had already left the underground to continue their journey to the surface.

It makes me sad that they decided to leave without saying goodbye but I guess they had things they needed to do.

I’ll always remember their cute little bandage and stick.

 

**29/03:** Sans is really busy all the time now. He’s always talking with other monsters about “economic collapse” and “preparing for future humans”, especially with the Royal Scientist, Elffin? I always forget her name. Sans always sounds so serious now, I miss when he was making puns. I know, that truly shows how far I’ve fallen.

I like the castle. It’s very big and has lots of rooms and everyone is nice to us. But I miss my friends who’ve gone away, Sans who never has time for me anymore, and the human. I’d gladly stop being king if everything could just go back to the way it was.

 

**31/03:** Today Sans went to go see the Royal Scientist except they must have not talked for very long because he came back after a few minutes and told me that she’d gone away on vacation AS WELL and that, under no circumstances, was I to go into her lab. Apparently she has a way of ordering things that I might screw up.

I wonder if I’m doing something wrong, that every single monster wants to spend time away from me?

 

**4/04:** Because Mettaton’s gone, the only thing on TV is Sans and me. Sans does really big speeches about how we all need to band together in this difficult time. I do tours of the castle and sometimes make spaghetti cooking shows. Everybody knows our faces now and seem to look up to us for some reason.

Maybe being famous wasn’t all I thought it would be, it’s not very fun and it’s a lot of work.

I tried calling Undyne again. Still no answer.

Sans wouldn’t lie to me, right?

 

**7/04:** Today Sans tried to call the human without telling me. I remedied this by stealing the phone from him the first chance I got and telling the human about everything that’s happened since they left. The human didn’t really say a lot. I guess they were thinking. Sans says it might have something to do with the fact that he was leaving a message on their answering machine.

Afterwards, Sans cancelled all his appointments and he and I spent the rest of the day going to Snowdin and trying to make snowmen that looked like us, just like we used to. Sans even tried to be lazy like he used to and just rolled a blob of snow together instead.

Sans seems happy in some weird way. As we returned to the castle, he said, “things are going to get better now. we just have to wait a little longer.”

Sans sure likes to be cryptic and vague but whatever. I’m glad he’s happy.

It makes me happy too.

 

 


	2. Diary Two

**25/03:** Wowie! Undyne told me today that if I keep up my work as a sentry AND keep learning how to make spaghetti, one day I might actually make something of myself. THIS IS THE GREATEST NEWS OF MY ENTIRE LIFE!!!

Even Sans is happy about this though there’s something strange about him today. He keeps smiling to himself and not trying out his badly punny jokes. This morning he was even playing his trombone and not because he wanted to irritate me but because he wanted to. He’d actually be pretty good if he practiced more often.

I told him how much I want to see a human (which I tell him at least ten times each day). He says we might see one soon. I really hope he’s right.

 

**26/03:** SOMETHING INCREDIBLE HAS JUST HAPPENED!!! I HAVE JUST MET A HUMAN!!!!

So Sans and I were just on our normal patrol when Sans suddenly gets this smirk on his face like he usually does when he’s about to do something he thinks is spectacular but really isn’t. Then, behold, a human appeared in front of me!

(So, sorry, Sans. Your cool surprise is going to have to wait.)

I’ve never seen a human before so I don’t know if this one is normal. I don’t think so. Do humans really walk around with faded ribbons and a glove that I want to call tough for some reason? Why is that ribbon even faded, anyways???

Plus they’re so tiny. This human thing has to tilt their head up to look at either Sans or me. Sans says this is because they’re a child human. I hope so, life must be so annoying if you’re short.

(No offense, Sans.)

The human is pretty good though. They try all my puzzles and even eat my spaghetti! Wowie! They laugh at all of Sans’s bad puns too. But I think they’re just doing that to be nice.

I like this human, and I’m glad I met them.

It’s just too bad I have to capture them and bring them to Undyne…

 

**26/03 (later):** So, uh, about that whole capturing thing? Yeah, I couldn’t do it.

I mean, maybe if they were a horrible person then yeah, maybe. But this human child? The one who loves spaghetti and flirts with me? I…I can’t.

Instead I evaded their cuteness and tried to capture them but even then I must admit that the fortifications I kept the human in were weak at best. Maybe even then I knew I wasn’t going to bring them to Undyne.

So we went back to my place and dated. Yes, I know, the human is of a different species than me and only a child. Rest assured I was only feeding their fanciful whims and as soon as I could tell them that they and I were not going to work out, I did just that. I let them have some spaghetti as a consolation prize though. I think that helped.

I hope Undyne isn’t too angry. I asked Sans if I was weak for letting the human go free. He said that I was the strongest monster he knew.

You know, for all the times I rag on Sans, he really isn’t all that bad.

He’s gone right now. Says he has to make sure “the human will live up to their potential”.

Huh. This might seem strange to you but after you’ve lived with Sans for as long as I have, you get used it.

 

**26/03 (even later):** Wowie! I have so many interesting things going on in my life that I have to write three entries just for one day! This is good because most of my past entries were scrawls of San’s bad jokes and how they hurt me, plus minute details about how I was going to capture the next human I saw and become super rich and famous. I am so glad I have moved past these juvenile fantasies.

Undyne and I had our daily meeting. She didn’t say much, just stared at me. And yeah, maybe her intense glare made me tell her a few things about the human. What, okay? She’s really obsessed with finding humans. It feels rude to lie to her.

Besides, I warned the human so everything’s good right?!?!

I’m sure that once Undyne gets to know the human, she won’t kill them. She’ll see the good in them just like I did. So it will all work out just fine!

Even everyone in Snowdin agrees that the kid’s alright. They might be a little weird and quiet but they aren’t a killer.

Maybe I should remind the human of this, and that being friends with Undyne has its benefits. I’m sure that if I phone them right now, they won’t be in the middle of something uber important or something.

 

**26/03 (even later than that last later):** So guess what??? I, the Great Papyrus, have managed to make Undyne and the human friends!

I’m sure it was all thanks to my well-timed phone call, as well as the bone I gave to the human to give to Undyne when we went to go visit her. Plus, I tactfully left the conversation and let them get acquainted with each other by jumping out a window. This is why I have so many friends!

Currently I am still underneath that broken window, writing this down and eavesdropping. They seem to be getting along so far.

Wait, are those flames?

 

**27/03:** The human accidentally burned down Undyne’s house so Undyne is crashing at my place now. We made spaghetti and then tried to beat each other at INTENSE CARDHOUSE BUILDING. I won, obviously.

Sans walked in just as we were trying to compete in a fifth round, making them all fall down when he slammed the door shut. That’s okay, though. It’s not like I’d spent the past hour trying to build them or something.

Sans says that the human’s in Hotland now and that they’re doing pretty well for themselves, whatever that means. Undyne says she likes this human and that this probably means this human is the only good human ever to exist.

I think that isn’t true but whatever. Both Undyne and Sans seem really happy and I don’t want to ruin that by arguing.

Oh, and I almost forget to mention but I saw my friend! You know, Flowey the Flower! He says I should invite all my friends to go to the capital (“no matter the cost” is the way he put it) and that seems like such a great idea for some reason because we all know that Flowey is absolutiest the most nicest flower anyone has ever met!

(For the record, I’ve never met a flower besides Flowey.)

Gotta go, I have a lot of phone calls to make!

 

**28/03:** WE’RE ALL LEAVING THE UNDERGROUND!!! I know, I am as shocked as you are but let me explain.

It seems that the human (who apparently is named Frisk, hi Frisk!) has managed to open the barrier, along with a goat child that I have never seen before. I’ll be sure to thank this goat child the next time I see them.

There was also this flash of light and maybe an epic battle against good and evil? I don’t know, I was a little out of it by that point.

HAVE I MENTIONED YET THAT WE’RE ALL LEAVING THE UNDERGROUND???

So we all climbed out of the mountain and got to see the sun rise for the first time in our lives. It was nice. And warm. All humans must be as good as Frisk if they live with something as wonderful as the sun.

The only two who didn’t get to really see it are Toriel (??? I forget how she plays into all of this as I was figuring out my epic speech when she was introduced) and Sans since they were both texting each other. Ugh…I really hope this does not become a thing.

Tomorrow we enter the human world.

Everyone seems really happy.

 

**5/04:** WOWIE!!! The human world is amazing!

(This is why I haven’t had time to write. Sorry, ~~diary~~. Journal. Journal. JOURNAL. I KNOW IT’S A JOURNL!)

Everything is like the monster world. But better. And bigger. And with a lot more sunlight.

We monsters are very popular here, including I, the Great Papyrus. Just yesterday I got fifteen messages in my junk box!

Everybody is really busy, but also very happy. Undyne’s joining this human army. Alphys is going to research human diseases and something called DETERMINATION which humans are very interested to learn about. Mettaton runs a TV show documenting monster history (although, to be honest, I don’t really recall when an android apocalypse happened in our history) which is very popular. Toriel is running a school for orphaned humans and monster kids. Asgore, well…

No one’s quite sure what he’s doing.

But he seems happy enough.

Sans says he wants to get a degree in quantum physics in a human university. That’s sounds a little easy, I’m sure he’d want to do a little better than that.

And me? Well, I’m cooking of course! Humans have some very interesting ideas about food. I like them a lot.

I’m not sure Sans does. He eats everything I cook now, not even bothering to really savour it. He keeps saying that these meals are literally the best thing I’ve ever cooked in my entire life but I’m pretty sure he’s just saying that to be nice.

 

**17/05:** I don’t write in here as much as I used to. I always thought that if I had more things to do, I’d write more. But I guess that’s wrong. Now I’m so busy I almost never write.

It turns out that everyone really does like my food because now I’m opening my own restaurant. Some humans have given it “rave” reviews. Whatever that means.

Sans is trying to help at my restaurant until he goes to university in the fall by playing his trombone for “ambiance”. But mostly he keeps telling customers skeleton puns. I think it’s annoying. They think it’s endearing. Which makes it all the more annoying. Then he spends the rest of his time texting.

He hasn’t told me yet but I think he’s texting Toriel. The two of them have been spending a lot of time together lately. Just yesterday he asked how I’d feel if we went to live with her for a while.

You know what? I…I think I might actually be okay with it. Even if it meant that Sans and Toriel eventually lived together without me.

I haven’t seen Frisk in a while…I wonder how they’re doing.


	3. Diary Three

**25/03:** Wowie! Undyne told me today that if I keep up my work as a sentry AND keep learning how to make spaghetti, one day I might actually make something of myself. THIS IS THE GREATEST NEWS OF MY ENTIRE LIFE!!!

I told Sans this news but for some reason it didn’t really make him happy. He’s been acting really strange today, like he’s agitated, or forgetting something important. He keeps asking me what day it is.

I asked him if something was wrong but he pretended he didn’t understand why I was asking him that, like he always does when something’s bugging him.

I just hope that whatever this thing is, it isn’t too important.

 

 **26/03:** SOMETHING INCREDIBLE HAS JUST HAPPENED!!! I HAVE JUST MET A HUMAN!!!!

So Sans and I were just on our normal patrol when Sans suddenly gets this smirk on his face like he usually does when he’s about to do something he thinks is spectacular but really isn’t. Then, behold, a human appeared in front of me!

(So, sorry, Sans. Your cool surprise is going to have to wait.)

I’ve never seen a human before so I don’t know if this one is normal. I don’t think so. Do humans really walk around with little toy knives? What good is a toy knife, anyways???

Plus they’re so tiny. This human thing has to tilt their head up to look at either Sans or me. Sans says this is because they’re a child human. I hope so, life must be so annoying if you’re short.

(No offense, Sans.)

The human is pretty good though. Even if they don’t try all my puzzles or eat my spaghetti. Even if they don’t laugh at all of Sans’s bad puns too. But let’s be fair, I don’t think most people could.

I like this human, and I’m glad I met them.

It’s just too bad I have to capture them and bring them to Undyne…


	4. Diary Four

**25/03:** Wowie! Undyne told me today that if I keep up my work as a sentry AND keep learning how to make spaghetti, one day I might actually make something of myself. THIS IS THE GREATEST NEWS OF MY ENTIRE LIFE!!!

Normally I’d tell Sans about this but I think he needs to be left alone right now.

Last night he had a really bad dream and started yelling in his sleep. It’s been a while since he’s done that. I’m not sure exactly what it was about but he kept talking about this human and telling them to stay away from us.

I’m not sure why it was bothering him so much, it’s not like there’re a lot of humans in the underground.

Besides, it was just a dream. It means nothing.

Anyways, he was up really early. I know because he was banging around downstairs at 3 IN THE MORNING. Then he went out back to his workshop around 6 and hasn’t come out since. I keep knocking on the door and telling him Grillby and co. are wondering when he’s coming in for breakfast but he says he’s not really hungry.

Sans is never hungry.

 

 **26/03:** SOMETHING INCREDIBLE HAS JUST HAPPENED!!! I HAVE JUST MET A HUMAN!!!!

So Sans and I were just on our normal patrol when I saw Sans up ahead with a serious expression on his face as he talked to some melted monster thingy???

Except it wasn’t a melted monster thingy.

IT WAS A HUMAN!!!

I wonder if this human is normal. I don’t know, it’s very dusty. Plus it’s got a very weird expression in its eyes, like it’s calculating or waiting for something.

Sans is acting very strange about this human. He keeps asking me if I’m happy to see a human. Well, like, yeah. That’s why I mention I want to see a human every day. Then he starts smiling to himself and gets really happy. But then just as quickly he glares in the human’s nearest vicinity, saying “dirty brother killer” under his breath. Not sure what to make of that.

This human isn’t really fun though. They don’t try any of my puzzles or even eat my spaghetti. They also just kind of stare at nothing when Sans makes a joke and we all stand there in awkward silence for about ten minutes.

Nobody seems like they’re having a good time right now.

I hope this doesn’t last.

 

 **26/03 (later):** I don’t think this human is entirely a bad person but they’re killing a lot of monsters. In fact, every single monster they come across, they’re killing.

Undyne called in every sentry and Royal Guard still living for a meeting and said that we need to do everything possible to slow the kid down so that civilians in Snowdin can be evacuated. I’m trying, Undyne, but the kid doesn’t exactly want to play with my puzzles.

Sans is starting to act…really weird. He’s so serious and not making any jokes. He looks like he’s pain but I don’t know how to help him. He keeps muttering to the kid that they really don’t want to keep doing what they’re doing.

Call me crazy, Sans, but I don’t think they’re gonna listen to your vague threats and eyeless gaze schtick.

I know I don’t.

 

 **26/03 (even later):** Sans doesn’t think I’m capable of doing anything.

I mean, I’ve known this for a while, maybe for as long as I’ve been alive. Even when we were baby bones he was trying to hide the things he did—the stealing, the deals—so that we could survive on our own.

He protects me. And I let him, because that’s my way of protecting him back.

The human’s in Snowdin now. They haven’t given mercy to a single monster. And it’s going to only get worse if they continue on to the capital. No monster is going to be safe.

 _No human_ is going to be safe.

Somebody needs to stop them.

Sans told me to stay away from them. That they’re “deranged”. That they’re “sick”. That I don’t know the kind of power they possess.

Maybe I don’t.

No.

I know I don’t.

But that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t try.

I know Sans doesn’t get that. I remember a week ago when I asked Flowey if he wanted to come over to my house which Flowey snarled at but then immediately agreed to as is his usual way to suggestions. He looked around and starting gnawing on furniture, deciding what to destroy first while I tactfully suggested, maybe, respectfully, it should be Sans’s dirty socks. And of course Sans was there, eyeing us from the second floor like he owned everything in the house (technically, he does). Flowey and Sans even exchanged a couple of words. Something like “smiley trashbag” and “soulless vegetation eating up my time and dirty socks”. I didn’t catch it all but they obviously didn’t like each other.

When Flowey left, Sans told me never to talk to “that flower” ever again. He said that Flowey was dangerous and that he’d done terrible things. Like I somehow don’t know that. Like I’m completely oblivious to how the world works.

Sans is always guessing what everyone’s thinking, what everyone’s next move is gonna be. He’d pretend if you asked him but that’s the truth. He isn’t as chill as he thinks he is. He’s pretty good at figuring at people too. He’s smart in ways I’m never gonna be smart in.

He’s smart in a lot of ways but he isn’t smart in this.

This kid doesn’t need to be defeated.

They need to be taught how to LOVE.

Just like Flowey.

I know Sans doesn’t understand. I’m not sure he ever will. And I’m sorry if this causes him pain, if this doesn’t work, but I can’t stand back and let this kid past, knowing there was something I might’ve been able to do.

You always did say it was important to do the right thing, Sans.

I’m sorry.


	5. Diary Five

**25/03:** I’d actually have some really great news to talk about here today if it wasn’t for the fight Sans and I had.

I don’t what I said that was wrong. All I said—as I always do—is that I can’t wait to see a human.

But Sans immediately wheeled on me and was like, “why, papyrus? what is so freaking special about this human? what can they do for you that i can’t?”

So I just said that it seems cool because I haven’t seen one before. And, like, maybe they actually do more with their life than sit in a workshop at the back of their house all day long.

Then Sans got really still and really quiet. This is going to sound strange but for a moment I swear I saw his left eye flicker blue. Then he turned around and stomped out of the house.

In retrospect, maybe mentioning that humans are cool was a little offensive.

It’s been three hours since then and he still hasn’t come home and I’ve checked everywhere. I told Undyne about it and she told me she’d keep an eye out for him.

Then she also told me that she believed I’d make something of my life.

I think any other day I’d be far happier to hear that news than today.

 

 **25/03 (later…by which I mean 5am):** So I have no clue where Sans spent most of his day but Undyne called me around dinnertime saying that I should probably get to Grillby’s as fast as possible before the call was cut off by some sort of yelling.

I arrived exactly thirty seconds later to see that Sans was in fact the source of the commotion as he was refusing to let anyone exit the premises unless they came up with a good skeleton pun.

As humorless as Sans is normally, he is exponentially so after he’s consumed several alcoholic beverages as well as several litres of “unidentifiable substances” (Grillby’s words, not mine). Several patrons were getting rather upset while Grillby seemed to just be enjoying the show.

Undyne was saying, “Come on, Sans. I know you’ve been having a rough go of it, but this isn’t helping.”

He said, “that’s not a skeleton pun! no bone-exit for you! HAHA! Ha. aha. That one worked a little better in my head.”

Or, at least, I think that’s what he said. He was slurring a lot.

But then this faun wearing a hand-knit sweater came through the crowd and said, “Now listen here, friendo. I think we’ve all had quite enough of this. I’m going through that door whether you want me to or not.”

Sans, “friendo? that doesn’t have any puns in it.”

“I’m sure you think you’re being rather hilarious right now but nobody else does.”

“what? do you have a BONE to pick with me?”

“Okay, you’re asking for it!”

Then the faun thing swung at Sans but halfway through he just sorta…stopped. Sans had his hand up and then when he dropped it the faun guy went straight to the ground too.

Everyone gasped, including me, since who knew Sans could do that? Sans stumbled forward and then vaulted up onto one of the tables, taking a swig of someone’s drink.

“Who else wants to go a round with me, huh? Me, the monster who went forty-nine rounds with a human last night, nine before they could even get their sorry ass past my opening move! I am a god among monsters! A god! And among humans, I’m…well, okay, I’m more of an annoying sideshow. But still! Annoying! Bonely annoying! HAHAH—”

That’s when Sans passed out.

Grillby stepped in at this point to give Sans something that would wake him up enough that we could get him home. Sans insisted that he could walk himself home which worked great until he took a step forward and faceplanted.

So Undyne took one arm and I took the other and we both sort of dragged him home, putting him on the couch since neither of us could really drag him upstairs. Udyne seemed very worried and I reassured her that Sans had gotten drunk on many occasions before without at any warning at all so I knew what to do. For some reason, it didn’t work.

“Well, Papyrus, just…call if you need anything. I don’t care what hour it is, I will come here, okay?”

I nodded my head and she left wherein I finally could make Sans some tea.

(Hey, don’t tell her that I’ve skipped ahead in her cooking lessons and am teaching myself how to make tea, okay?)

He was somewhat calm by the time I gave him the tea though he didn’t seem entirely there. He kept wanting to talk about Mom and Dad.

“i bet you don’t remember mom,” he rambled on, “but she was sweet and wonderful and she could bake almost anything you wanted.”

“UH HUH.”

“she loved us both so, so much.” He gave a pause. “it wasn’t, you know, it wasn’t your fault she died.”

“UH HUH.”

“and dad, well, you know all about dad and his science projects. but he loved us in the beginning, you have to remember that, before the determination got to him.”

See? Not entirely there. Our father disappeared before I can even remember. But I didn’t want to upset Sans so I just hugged him to remind him that he was loved.

“papyrus?”

“YEAH?”

“everything might be over now. you were dead and i was dead and i’m not even sure if there’s a world left for us to live in anymore.”

I was a little concerned as to why Sans was thinking these things which even for Sans were a little depressing. However, the important part to me was that he thought it was real.

I said to him, “SANS, HOW IN THE UNDERGROUND CAN YOU POSSIBLY BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE WORLD ENDING? IT SIMPLY DOES NOT MAKE SENSE! THE WORLD DOES NOT END DUE TO SOMETHING YOU YOURSELF DO OR DO NOT DO. EVERYONE MAKES A CHOICE INTO CONTRIBUTING TO THE ENDING. EVERYONE. NOT JUST YOU. SO YOU NEED TO STOP THINKING THESE SILLY THOUGHTS. IF THE WORLD SHALL END THEN IT SHALL END. STOP WORRYING.”

Sans seemed to relax a little after that. “okay…”

He’s fallen asleep now and I’m watching to make sure nothing bad happens to him. So far so good but boy am I getting tired! I think I might just rest my eyes for a moment…

 

 **26/03:** Sans woke up this morning and asked me what happened last night and why was he sleeping on the couch and I was on the floor and why did his head really hurt and had he been using magic? I told him that he’d been sleepwalking again and that I was keeping an eye out for him. He was so embarrassed. He kept apologizing about worrying me and being such a nuisance.

I wonder what he’d do if I actually told him what happened?

(Just kidding, I won’t though.)

 

 **26/03 (later):** SOMETHING INCREDIBLE HAS JUST HAPPENED!!! I HAVE JUST MET A HUMAN!!!!

So Sans and I were just on our normal patrol (which, like, I told him he didn’t have to do but he said that the forces of the world forced him to constantly patrol for humans which is a metaphor I really don’t get) when Sans suddenly gets this smirk on his face like he usually does when he’s about to do something he thinks is spectacular but really isn’t. Then behold, a human appeared in front of me!

(So sorry, Sans. Your cool surprise is going to have to wait.)

I’ve never seen a human before so I don’t know if this one is normal. I don’t think so. Do humans really walk around with a stick and a bandage? Who needs bandages anyways when you have magic???

Plus they’re so tiny. This human thing has to tilt their head up to look at either Sans or me. Sans says this is because they’re a child human. I hope so, life must be so annoying if you’re short.

(No offense, Sans.)

The human is pretty good though. They try all my puzzles and even eat my spaghetti! Wowie! They smile at all of Sans’s bad puns too. But I think they’re just doing that to be nice.

I like this human, and I’m glad I met them.

It’s just too bad I have to capture them and bring them to Undyne…

 

 **26/03 (even later):** So, uh, about that whole capturing thing? Yeah, I couldn’t do it.

I mean, maybe if they were a horrible person then yeah, maybe. But this human child? The one who loves spaghetti and flirts with me? I…I can’t.

Instead I evaded their cuteness and tried to capture them but even then I must admit that the fortifications I kept the human in were weak at best. Maybe even then I knew I wasn’t going to hurt them.

So we went back to my place and dated. Yes, I know, the human is of a different species than me and only a child. Rest assured I was only feeding their fanciful whims and as soon as I could tell them that they and I were not going to work out, I did. I let them have some spaghetti as a consolation prize. I think that helped.

I hope Undyne isn’t too angry. I asked Sans if I was weak for letting the human go free. He said that I was still the strongest monster he knew. Then he started crying.

I was going to comfort him but he just ran off.

I am sorry for making him cry.

 

 **26/03 (even later than that last later):** Wowie! I have so many interesting things going on in my life that I have to write three entries just for one day! This is good because most of my past entries were scrawls of San’s bad jokes and how they hurt me, plus minute details about how I was going to capture the next human I saw. I am so glad I have moved past these juvenile fantasies.

Undyne and I had our daily meeting. She didn’t say much, just stared at me. So maybe her intense glare made me tell her a few things about the human. What, okay? She’s really obsessed with finding humans. It feels rude to lie to her.

Besides, I warned the human so everything’s good right?!?!

I’m sure that once Undyne gets to know the human, she won’t hurt them. She’ll see the good in them just like I did. So it will all work out fine!

Even everyone in Snowdin agrees that the kid’s alright. They might be a little weird and quiet and everyone feels like we should all be deeply concerned about this human in some strange way but we’ve conclusively agreed that they aren’t a killer.

Maybe I should remind the human of this, and that being friends with Undyne has its benefits. I’m sure that if I phone them right now, they won’t be in the middle of something uber important or something.

 

 **26/03 (really, really, REALLY later):** So guess what??? I, the Great Papyrus, have managed to make Undyne and the human friends!

I’m sure it was all thanks to my well-timed phone call, as well as the bone I gave to the human to give to Undyne when they went to go see her. Plus, I tactfully left the conversation and let them get acquainted with each other by jumping out a window. This is why I have so many friends!

Currently I am still underneath that broken window, writing this down and eavesdropping. They seem to be getting along so far.

Wait, are those flames?

 

 **27/03:** The human accidentally burned down Undyne’s house so Undyne is crashing at my place now. We made spaghetti and then tried to beat each other at INTENSE CARDHOUSE BUILDING. I won, obviously.

Sans still hasn’t returned. I’m worried about him but Undyne called her best buddy, the Royal Scientist. She says that she saw Sans skulking around the kid who’s doing perfectly fine. YAY!!!

Oh, and I almost forget to mention but I saw my friend! You know, Flowey the Flower! He says I should invite my friends to go to the capital. He also said that I was his favourite friend in the entire world, not like that horrible human who’s name changes after every reset.

(??? Not entirely sure about that part to be honest but I’m glad I’m his best friend!)

Gotta go, I have a lot of phone calls to make!

 

 **28/03:** WE’RE ALL LEAVING THE UNDERGROUND!!! I know, I am as shocked as you are but let me explain.

It seems that the human (who apparently is named Frisk, hi Frisk!) has managed to open the barrier, along with a goat child that I have never seen before. I’ll be sure to thank this goat child the next time I see them.

There was also this flash of light and maybe an epic battle against good and evil? I don’t know, I was a little out of it at that point.

HAVE I MENTIONED YET THAT WE’RE ALL LEAVING THE UNDERGROUND???

 

 **28/03 (later):** When we all went past the broken barrier and up to the mountain, I gave Sans another hug. He didn’t say anything,

“SANS,” I asked, “ARE YOU HAPPY NOW? I MEAN, WE’RE LEAVING THE UNDERGOUND!”

“papyrus, i am literally never happy. but leaving the underground? yeah. i’m okay.”

“ARE YOU SCARED?”

“i am terrified of every single second of every single day. we might not even be here tomorrow.”

“MAYBE NOT,” I said. “BUT MAYBE WE WILL.”

“maybe,” he said, as we watched the sun rise for the first time.

“Maybe we will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it! Thanks to everyone who gave kudos, bookmarks, comments, or even just checked out the story. I can't tell you how many times I logged off my computer with a wide smile on my face and it's all thanks to you! Now be free, my children, and go find more fanfic to agonize over!


End file.
